Having the Life of Your Dreams

What does having ‘the life of your dreams’ envisage? Are you enjoying enormous career success, freedom from responsibilities, or amassed with wealth. The rising trend from social media personalities and self help books paint that once you “do what you love” you wont find real satisfaction. These images and expectations make finding joy and satisfaction in our lives as a far off destination. It solicits that you wont experience true joy and satisfaction in this life until you find the right job or the thing you are most passionate about.

The proposed ‘dream life’ would have to be a fantasy for countless billions who have little economic freedom and must find any kind of employment to survive. And what should be said of the people who must care for loved ones, either children, elderly, or disabled? What of those who are also disabled or impaired, greatly limiting their ability to do what they love most. This simple motto and new age philosophy of “do what you love” is damaging and reserves true purpose and satisfaction to only a select few.

As much as man likes to create exclusivity and scarcity, even in enjoying their own life, God can liberally give peace and satisfaction to us now, in our current state, regardless of our economic status or career ambitions.

The Dream Job

In western society we put an overabundance of our personal value and life ambitions into our careers. We idolize billionaires of large corporations, famous actors, and sports elites. We are determined that talent, skill, and hard work will assuredly give the same results. The people who have found great success doing the job they love are quick to assume they got there all on their own merits and everyone else can easily do the same, not taking into account how much luck plays a factor. In fact, for someone with the same talent and effort they can have completely different results if not faced with a few lucky events. For every one person achieving their intended success, there are nine others getting less stellar results.

However, that doesn’t mean we should be defeated to making any attempt for success. Even though luck plays a big factor, actively seeking for opportunities will only increases lucky chances for growth. Even for those who found enormous career success, they didn’t spend their time inactive with luck falling in their lap.

Consider as well that the field for the most ‘lovable’ jobs are often creative, sport, or entrepreneurial endeavors. However, the vast majority of jobs are more operational, working at a desk or public service. This creates a false dichotomy of ‘have’s’ and ‘have nots’, one enjoying their job while the other can not. But this isn’t the case nor has to be. Our jobs do not have to be the source of our happiness, and for many it isn’t and never will be.

When I was a missionary in Nicaragua, the poorest Latin America country, I was truly taken back by how incredibly generous and happy the people were. They had so little, but always found ways to give and share their love for life. I once asked them about their ambitions for a job or career and this Nicaraguan local said “Americanos vivan para trabajar, nostros trabajamos para vivir” translated to “American’s live to work, we, we work to live.” Work was just a means to an end, that end was spending time with family, neighbors, and friends. When I returned to the US I was reminded of impressive construction, efficient cities, and pristine streets, but within the sterilization was a void of vibrancy, activity, and friendship that filled the space between homes in Nicaragua and brought them so much joy we often lack.

I also had to relearn this lesson early in my career after graduating from college. My first job was by far my worst, and is often considered depressing to be an auditor in professional services company. I did hit a low point where the work and environment truly got to me and made me start to sink into depression. However, I made a concerted effort to get out of that slump and find time to be close with God, with friends, and hobbies that would make me happy. I found myself managing what was a depressing job with a great outlook on life and becoming very happy. Even co-workers would tell me to be less happy because they were all so miserable.

Eventually, I was able to leave and landed a job at my dream employer shortly thereafter. I was so incredibly excited about working at my dream employer and determined to do my absolute best. I pushed myself hard and gave up time with God, friends, and hobbies I enjoyed. I found myself less happy than I was in my miserable auditing job. The key difference in my happiness was not the external factors of my employment, which many make us believe, but my own choices and personal connections that were going to lead me to a happy life. It was a convincing moment where I learned satisfaction and happiness is not reserved to the few who find the perfect job, it’s available to everyone who focuses on loving God and his people.

Trying to Have it All

Solomon of old possessed great wisdom and great wealth. He accumulated so much wealth that by biblical accounts he would have been the richest king to have ever lived on the Earth, having a net worth of 2.2 trillion in todays dollars, receiving taxes and tribute of over $1 billion annually. If there was someone who had it all, it was King Solomon.

Yet, we remember that he did not endure in righteousness, “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the Lord God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice” (I Kings 11:4,9). Solomon started to consider the wisdom given to him from God was his wisdom. The temple of the Lord was eventually called Solomons temple. Slowly he let affirmations from his wives, riches, and lusts distract him from his true mission.

After amassing so much wisdom and wealth he later lamented,

“‘Vanity of vanities,’ . . . ‘Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.’ What profit has a man from all his labor in which he toils under the sun? I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” (Ecclesiastes 1:2, 3, 14).

The word ‘vanity’ in this context could just as easily be replaced with emptiness, futility, or meaningless. Solomon’s message was that he’s seen it all, done it all, had it all, and none of it will satisfy our spirit without God. Whatever success or riches we’ve gathered in our life will be empty, meaningless, and frutile.

Consider famous and wealthy individuals, many of whom we see that are still unsatisfied and turn to drugs and other vices for relief. For many of these individuals they have been in a tireless pursuit of validation by fame or wealth, only to find they are lacking still. We will equally be left exhausted and unsatisfied when we turn to external confirmations for our self worth. In fact, studies have shown that as long as you are above the poverty line, doubling or tripling your salary, or acquiring more material goods, is not going to improve your well-being. In fact these studies have even found a negative correlation between higher grades and well-being.

Those same studies point to a lifestyle that is more simple and other-oriented to achieve the highest well-being and happiness. It shows people with more free time and mindfulness are able to maintain a healthy mental state. They also spend more time with people they care about and caring for others more than themselves. They are also likely to spend more on charity or time volunteering. The wonderful findings from this study is that happiness and well-being is not reserved to the select few who achieve great fame or wealth, or even perfect grades, but anyone who chooses to slow down, care less about themselves, and instead be a good friend and fellow citizen.

Consider the example Christ gave of an abundant life. He did not have much of anything for material goods or wealth. He had abundant love for others, time to serve and care for them. Is it any wonder why Christ used Solomon as his example for someone who had everything but yet still lacked the most essential qualities,

“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these” (Matthew 6:28-29)

Christ is asking his followers to not use Solomon as their example of success or be occupied about their worldly needs. Lilies don’t need to work at anything in comparison to humans who work to obtain food, shelter, and spin their clothes. He says in the following verse that, even still, they are ‘dressed in great beauty’, clothed exactly how God wants them to be.

He also understands the fragility of the lily ‘which one day is and the other is cast into the oven.’ He is urging his followers to deeply trust in God and that worry and fear are of no use. So yes, destruction can come to the privileged or vulnerable, but we should have our hearts and minds at rest so God can have place in us.

In returning to our theme about having the ideal life, we see that Christ makes it clear that even Solomon in all with wealth and glory still missed the most essential qualities to an abundant life. Even the lilies who do little work can have peace and happiness by simply trusting God and not placing unnecessary burdens on their shoulders.

It might seem that to ‘live like the lily’ we’d have little concern for ourselves as well as for others, but some species of the lily “contain compounds that are used in medicine. These medicines treat ailments such as depression, heart disease, angina and anxiety. Additionally, many parts of the world use them to treat a variety of other illnesses, usually in the form of an essential oils or balms. Beauty-wise, certain extracts from the lily can brighten the skin and reduce scars” (link).

How fitting that Christ used the lily not only to symbolically emulate beauty, peace and trust, but to help treat those who suffer from the lack thereof. When we learn to become the person God wants us to be we not only gain peace and confidence, but can bless others to achieve the same.

Drink of Living Water

At the root of much of our dissatisfaction in our life is an unquenchable thirst for something more. We may think the better job, better friends, nicer home, more wealth, or even a different spouse or family is what we really need. They may continue to pour their time and resources into making incremental life achievements anticipating the satisfaction it will bring. Those who achieve less than expected or feel trapped with their current dissatisfaction seek for distraction in their life, burying their time in frivolous activities, entertainment or other media. Even worse it can resort in drug or alcohol abuse and sexual perversions.

Chasing after these vain ambitions is like taking from the well of the world, quenching thirst temporarily, never to fully satisfy. The approach of the world can be clearly seen even in the products we consume, planned to become obsolete or less attractive to the newer model. We’re stoked to continue thirsting, yet we wonder why we’re so dissatisfied with the abundant life we already have.

However, Christ requires no achievement ladder, no proof for our value, not even perfection in our choices. To feel satisfied and happy, we must but only believe in him and shed the selfish desires of our heart. Even those who don’t accept Christ still find great happiness in abandoning selfish pursuits and choosing to be in greater service to those around them, be it family, neighbors, and distant persons who are suffering. Though they know it not, they are serving Christ and drinking from his well of goodness.

We of course need physical water for our physical bodies to be alive. We also need to provide some type of labor or service in order to receive income to meet the temporal needs of our life. But we error when we over compensate to meet the temporal needs of our life, or look to those temporal achievements to meet the spiritual needs of our soul. Christ’s living water are his teachings which satisfy our spiritual thirst and lead us towards eternal life.

The proliferation of self help books to find success and happiness are explained by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin as a result of spiritual thirst in our day:

“These latter days are a time of great spiritual thirst. Many in the world are searching, often intensely, for a source of refreshment that will quench their yearning for meaning and direction in their lives. They crave a cool, satisfying drink of insight and knowledge that will soothe their parched souls. Their spirits cry out for life-sustaining experiences of peace and calm to nourish and enliven their withering hearts [and] are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it…The Lord provides the living water that can quench the burning thirst of those whose lives are parched by a drought of truth. When they drink from the cup of gospel knowledge, their thirst is satisfied as they come to understand our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness.”

Christ’s spring of living water is one that will always provide, but is immovable. If we are to drift away from that spring, we will thirst again, compelling us to pull from other wells which don’t satisfy. So even after discovering Christ’s well, we must remain by it, and continue to drink from it and let it satisfy our souls.

Understanding True Purpose

We are mistaken if we think we only need to say our prayers and spend time with friends to meet our life’s potential. What are we to fill the rest of that time called mortality? Yes, we often perform jobs that feel like they bring us little purpose and just enable us to live. But learning new skills, acquiring knowledge, and learning how to provide goods or services that are of real value to others will also bring us joy.

We have often heard of the “pursuit of happiness” but what if that axiom is false. That is, happiness is not a destination but the byproduct of working on something of meaning and purpose. Perhaps the correct adage could be, the “pursuit of purpose,” for when we fill our lives with activities moving us towards a meaningful purpose, we experience happiness which will accompany us along the way.

Think of the dedicated scientist who is driven to accomplishing his research so that people can be benefited by his findings. The parent who helps their child in each stage of their life journey to become an accomplished and purpose filled adult.  Of course that journey was full of setbacks and frustrations, but it also had moments of accomplishments and joy.

The important part of perusing purpose is not measuring one pursuit as more valuable than the other. As noted before, we don’t have to be a Nobel prize winner or accomplished billionaire to make an impact on other peoples lives. Even those worldly idols will often cite the person of most influence in their lives, was their mothers. Yes, it is the time we spend supporting and helping each other be better, one person at a time, that often makes that greatest impact in our lives. It’s not the book you once read, the inspiring speech, or even that great new invention, it’s still the influence of each individual who takes the time and effort to be a part of our life’s journey.

As you look into the future of what you most want to achieve, consider if that thing is just to benefit ourselves or fill a gap in our spiritual needs. In such a case, go to Christ’s well, shed your selfish ambitions and fill your soul with living water. Only then can you be of clear mind and heart to find true and lasting purpose for your life’s work. One that will keep you motivated every day, one that wont leave you feeling regret, and one that will bring lasting  joy along the way.

God gave you unique talents and skills that will be of benefit to his children. There is a place where the diversity of each of our talents can contribute to the betterment of all mankind. Just as a body has each members member with it’s own function, or an orchestra with each unique instrument, all the unique parts work together create a more beautiful whole. When we align our hearts to God, we often can see more clearly what those unique talents are and when and how to employ them. Only then, will we truly achieve the life of our dreams.