As a society, we have become overly consumed with eliminating pain and discomfort in our lives. Convenience is king, but it comes with a cost. We are loosing our grit and resilience. Resistance, affliction, and failure are often viewed as negatives. But these are essential components to learning and growth. Without these, we learn very little and also develop mental, physical, and spiritual weakness. It’s as fundamental as the laws of nature. A muscle cannot grow in strength unless it is exposed to an object of resistance that exceeds its ability to move comfortably. A chrysalis cannot develop into a butterfly unless it struggles through the resistance of emerging from its cocoon.
We’re also short sighted when we perceive that stress and affliction is a new phenomena of our generation, forgetting that prior generations suffered much greater affliction and stress. Consider just a couple generations ago, the Greatest Generation, starting with the first World War, proceeded with a deadly pandemic, the Great Depression, and another and more devastating World War, all within 30 years. People generally thought it was the end of the world. Soldiers suffered PTSD and other ailments as a result of this stress, but still had enormous resilience and returned to rebuild families, homes, nations, and economies. But no one told them life is hard and people need to give them a break, they were mentally mature.
It is quite possible that what made the “great generation” was in fact their afflictions, not despite of them?
Friction is necessary. Ease of life leads to complacency and the atrophy of the human will and spirit. Within our struggles lives our strength, within our trials lives our triumphs. Friction creates a platform for change, generates heat and or fervor and creates a motivational charge that gives us an opportunity to be better. A gem cannot be polished without friction and so neither a person without hardships. Friction within and friction without sharpens our senses and revives our internal resolutions. Friction is uncomfortable, hardships are distressing but both are necessary. We cannot light a match without friction nor can we hone steal. Uncomfortable as it may be, our adversity ultimately lights a fire and sharpens our very will to flourish. Today, let us not be discouraged, let us not be bitter in our suffering rather let us be encouraged as we look to our trials as a medium that will eventually make us better. (Jason Versey, “A Walk with Prudence”)
The Pursuit of Ease
In our efforts to chase the allure of an easy life, full of success and ease, we have robbed ourselves of happiness and fulfillment. We use our phones as distractions during awkward social encounters, we hand screens to children when they’re annoying, we purchase fast and cheap foods to satisfy our hunger, we turn to alcohol or drugs to ease our pain, we buy books or purchase subscriptions which promise the shortcut to fitness and wealth. Each of these come with additional consequences, mainly depriving us of the peace, confidence, and wellness we so desire. However, improvements in our products, systems, and technology are good, such as the GPS which guides our car, the power of the internet for sharing information, or the accessibility of all basic necessities. What is dangerous to our personal growth is when ease is pursued as the end goal.
Why is ease so detrimental to our progress? Our soul is one that quickly atrophies to corruption when left unchecked, some more than others, but all like the castle that sits on the ocean break. Some may have built their character of sand, wood, or stone, but all are constantly challenged at the precipice and require regular preservation. Comfort is like a dug, if a weak man can find quick satisfaction to his sexual desires, food, and cheap entertainment, he’ll throw his ambition right out of the window. The comfort zone is where dreams go to die.
Consider moreover who we admire, we don’t admire the millionaire who made their success from a family inheritance. It’s the self-made person who was able to achieve great success after much failure and setbacks. The greater the difficulty on his journey the greater the admiration. It begs the question, why don’t we face difficulty with the same sense of admiration for ourselves? That when we face large obstacles we’re even more accomplished for trying to overcome them.
Adversity despite Good Choices
We often erroneously assume that if our life is full of good choices, we will not have many challenges in our life, we’ll avoid sickness, have happy families, and have our material needs met. Good choices do lead us to avoid the consequences of poor ones. Being a loving and kind handed parent does avoid a multitude a problems that result with being an abusive parent, but as every parent can tell you, raising children is still none the easier no matter how kind or harsh you are.
The importance of following Gods commandments and taking his yoke upon us is so that we can burden life’s challenges and avoid the multitude of additional problems we don’t need for our personal progress by making poor choices. For example, consider if you were an athlete wanting to achieve a new record in a race, but don’t choose to follow the “rules” to achieving athleticism by staying up late, eating poorly, and having inconsistent practices. You may or may not still achieve your goal, but those poor choices will make it even harder for you to get there and most likely inhibited you from achieving your full potential.
But we shouldn’t start beating ourselves up for all our poor choices which make our life harder. No one will be perfect, every athlete has that cheat meal, and we all struggle with creating new healthy habits. Those struggles, even through our own poor choices, can all contribute to our growth. Either by building our level of resilience or motivating us to make better choices in the end. God is greater than all these things and through repentance can make “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3).
Nonetheless, when we follow God, he is going to give us character and spirit building opportunity to further our progress in this life. After all, that is why we choose to have this life, so we could learn the good from evil and become more like God. That can’t be achieved in the comfort of our personal homes, shielded from the challenges of life. Consider Job, who was a good man, God wanted him to be tried in many ways and his faith did not waiver. Job was blessed even more greatly after passing through his sorrows. Also Peter was often questioned and tested by Christ. But even though Peter errored and denied Christ, he repented and his resolve was ever the stronger to be the fearless leader of Christ’s church.
Taking on Christ’s Burden
It is interesting that Christ promises us that if we take his yoke upon us, it will be much ‘lighter’ than the one the world places on us.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 29-30)
But does it mean that he’ll make our life one of ease? Not in the least, he actually enables us to have greater spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical capacity to take on more burden than we likely thought we could take on by ourselves. He still indicates that he also has a ‘burden’ to place on us, but that it is light. God knows what our capacity is and he is kind and meek and doesn’t desire to hurt or run us into the ground. The world on the other hand, has little care for us, it continues to demand more and has little regard for our wellbeing. We mentally suffer from having so much to do and feeling that we’re never doing enough, that is what is truly exhausting.
Gods promise extends to beyond just his burden, he can make other burdens which have been placed on us lighter. In the Book of Mormon, Alma’s followers were captured and made to take on heavy labor. They even were put to death if found praying, but God heard the thoughts of their hearts and responded:
And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. (Mosiah 24: 14-15)
I consider in my own life when I have focused on prioritizing God my days are truly much lighter, but by no means less labored. When I start with scripture study and prayer, I find my mind is clear to prioritizing the most important tasks, I feel motivation to get it done, I respond calmly to interruptions which upset my plans, and I feel a sense of peace that almost all of it isn’t a big deal and life will be ok. Through this all my mental and emotional state is enabling me to be productive and resilient. I consider back to my mission when I was busy running around town sharing gospel messages, fixing homes, or organizing events. The amount of stamina put into the day was phenomenal, but I was able to do it over and over for 2 years straight with little more than 7 hours of daily rest.
Stress is not the enemy
Here’s the real kicker, we think we’ve made our lives easier and more comfortable, but adults are more stressed than decades past and our avoidance of stress can kill us. Our attitude towards stress and avoidance of it is shown to have a significant impact. Studies estimate that 182 thousand Americans die prematurely because of a belief that stress is bad, killing more people than skin cancer, HIV/AIDS, and homicide.
Research was done which actually showed that our attitude towards stress is what is hurting us, not the stress itself. The study tracked 30 thousand adults and asked their stress levels and their perception to that stress, then used public records to track death rate. They found that people who experienced high levels of stress, but did not view stress as harmful, were no more likely to die and actually had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, including those with little stress.
We should treat the resistance of life, whether it be setbacks, stress, or any type of affliction as the natural experience of life and the builder to our perfection. What matters not is the type of affliction we have, but our attitude. This change in mindset on stress was proven to change peoples physiological state. In prior studies when participants viewed their stress response to a difficult task as helpful, their blood vessels stayed relaxed, their heart was still pounding, but in a much healthier cardiovascular profile. It looked similar to what happens in moments of joy and courage. Health phycologist, Kelly McGonigal, stated that “over a lifetime of stressful experiences, this one biological change could be the difference between a stress-induced heart attack at age 50 and living well into your 90s. And this is really what the new science of stress reveals, that how you think about stress matters.”
She went on to day that “even something as negative as our everyday stress can still be a positive promoter of performance and ability. What actually is damaging us is the perception that the stress is damaging, not the stress itself.” Most interesting was that the profile of those who had high stress but a healthy life expectancy spent time caring for others, helping friends, neighbors or the community. Caring created resilience. In the end she summed up this studies learnings that “chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.”
Progress Only Comes Through Resistance
If we keep looking at daily stresses and life setbacks as unnecessary burdens that need removed or we need to have excessive “breaks” from, we’re robbing ourselves of essential progress and making our mental character weak. Sadly this has become the ailment of the latest generation, who have been sold the false narrative that you can have success with little effort and from ‘adults’ who can help clear the path for you. They’ve essentially had their wings atrophied by good intentioned adults breaking open the cocoon for them when exactly that stress to emerge through adolescence gives them the strength to fly through adulthood.
No physical strength was ever gained without the resistance of gravity and fatigue. No skill was ever learned without the focus of the mind and no marriage was made into many anniversaries without conflict and compromise. Apostle Orson F. Whitney (1855–1931) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained:
No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.
Yes, life is hard, but that isn’t bad. It’s the training grounds for our souls we all wanted to experience. The hopeful and encouraging news is we can make it through all these struggles and be all the better from it if we keep the right attitude and include God in our lives. Remember that “men are, that they might have joy“ (2 Nephi 2:25), not despite our struggles, but from them. Spiritual and personal growth is achieved more by trials and adversity than by comfort and ease. God knows this, and wants for us to grow and have joy, and we can by continuing to follow his plan of happiness.
